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Wednesday, December 11, 2002

I'll take Potpourri for 300, Alex

All I really needed to know I learned by having my arms ripped off by a polar bear. True dat.

When Care Bears seem too saccharine, there's always Don't Give A Fuck Bears. Violent!

Don't lick toads, it's bad for you and other living things. But you can go ahead and lick other stuff.

Are you gay? Who cares? Is your dog gay? Probably.

Your dog humps things. So does this guy. And check out statue molestors while you're at it. I'm getting really jaded about inanimate object abuse.

"Please tell me the truth. Is there a Santa Claus?" Vicar says no, Santa is dead. The reindeer are also dead. Then he tells them exactly what mummy and daddy do when they are "tired" and go to bed early.

Are you a scientist? Do you have luxuriant, flowing hair? Do you think you have luxuriant, flowing hair? Then time to sign up for Luxuriant Flowing Hairclub for Scientists. Hmm...I think I've actually had more bearded science teachers than ones with luxuriant hair.

For no reason at all, a gross eyeball thing. But here's a nice kitten thing, to cleanse the palate.

Finally, Which Sesame Street Muppet's Dark Secret Are You? I was Mr. Snuffalufagus' dark depression. Rock!

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